West Virginia, Why I Do This Job, etc.

Skirt. Coffee. Candy. Doneanddone.

As the above is preettttyyy much what my life looks like everyday, I would like to share something that reached out an grabbed me lately.

This is a tale of sisterhood.

Of the girls in blue and white.

West Virginia Wesleyan College

Gamma Kappa Chapter

Buckhannon, WV

Tuesday was not a good day. I've NEVER been so mentally, physically, and emotionally below empty from sleeping about 4-5 hours a night, hop-skotching over time zones, and endorsing the workaholic syndrome I've always nursed. It was like the formal recruitment exhaustion-hangover that sorority girls get times, like, oh I dunno... FOUR MONTHS.

My mind was on Friday, 'cause for the first time since August, I get to see my Mama, Daddy, sister, dogs, and sweet city (Auburn included in that region, duhhh wareaglebeatGeorgia.) And standing alone in Washington Dulles Airport on Tuesday, it all started coming down: I really. wanna. go home. now.

But the plane I hopped on was northern-bound to West Virginia. So I landed. And in the airport waiting on my sisters, the phone rang. "Ash, where are you?" "I just landed in uh, um... (looking around for a non-existant sign) yeah, I have no clue. I forgot. Some town in West Virginia." Yup. I was that airport snob. If it wasn't Montgomery, I did not particularly care in that moment.

But then it started. "Ashlyn? Hey, I'm Chera..." The sweetest little voice, and looked up to find an adorable grinning stranger. Who took me "home" to 56 more grinning strangers. Who loved me simply because I wear the same diamond-shaped badge they do. That's it. That was the only requirement.

They took me straight to the doctor to get drops for  the random pink-eye I woke up with Monday.

And hung out with me in the waiting room.

And then took me to WalMart to pay $60 for 1/16 tsp of drops.

They bought me dinner, saying "I know you're a vegetarian, what do you want?"

They actually asked if I had any laundry they could do for me.

They took a white, cinder-block dorm room and decorated it.

There is a stack of 15 shiny, glossy magazines.

There are posters all over the walls.

Stuffed animal lions and lettered pillows on furniture.

"We just thought it must be hard traveling and wanted to make it homey!"

There are Teddy Grahams, Reeses, and a zillion other snacks spread out.

The folded towels and put a bow around them. A bow.

Someone. put. FLOWERS. in here.

Lillies, in fact.

For a 3 1/2 day visit.

They went through all that.

For a girl they'd never laid eyes on.

"We Live For Each Other," we say.

And they did.

The West Virginia Wesleyan College girls have no idea, but on that Tuesday night, more than anything this year--I needed a home. So, so badly. And this house, this amazing sorority, is weirdly somehow my "home" no matter what campus I'm on.

And this is why I do this job. Why I pull 15-hour shifts. Why I lug 126 lbs. of stuff around America by myself. Why I hardly ever talk to my friends back home on a normal schedule.

Because I meet women like this every day.

All day.

And for every woman I've met this year, you're helping shape who I am as a person more than I ever imagined you'd do. I thought that was my job, ha. But you've shown me up. And I will never be the same.

"More than a ritual or a symbol, that it is a way of life..."

Surrender.

Here's what God and I go through every day:

Photo courtesy of Bippity Boppity Boo.

Oh, patience. Imma figure you out one of these days.

That's all.

You are the only exception.

A view from the top of Husky Stadium.

So I get in my head to go on these exploratory runs every city I grace. Early mornings or weekend afternoons, I pull on running clothes (no shortage, as workout clothes are my JAM. Hope you're having fun with more than half my last paycheck, Seattle Lululemon.), pop in earbuds, and start jogging.

Do I know where I'm going? Heckno techno. I just start runnin'.

If things get sketch, I turn. There's an app for that: it's called GoogleMaps. Justincase.

Today was Seattle's turn. And since I make sure I see the football stadium on every visit, I set off towards Husky Stadium. The field trip took me past Husky Ballpark, so DUH I detoured to see where Tim Lincecum pitched before trotting over to the stadium, where just my luck: the gate was wiiiiiide open.

As I have normal curiousity level x100, I walked right in and straight out over the west endzone, about halfway up. And it. Was. Unreal. And see that top deck? Yeah. So of course, my head goes straight to "Pssh. I so bet I can get up to the top of this thing."

Curiosity killed the cat. But when you have a Southern accent and smile a lot, it can get you places. I whirl around a corner and run straight into a guy shutting the gates. In my face.

Guy: Uh, hi?

Me: Ohmyheavens. I am so, SO sorry--are y'all closing up?

Guy: I mean, sorta. In a bit...

Me: Well, may I ask you a question? Can you point me the best way to get to the top of this thing? I am from outta town and wanna see this view...

Guy: Uh, well, it's kinda closed off now... Wait, where's that accent from?

Me: Alabama.

Guy: "Alaaabaaaama?" (yes, he mocked me.) Ha. I almost signed to play at UAB And that Braves hat, you a fan?

Me: Absolutely. But I just took a picture of your baseball stadium 'cause I like Lincecum.

Guy: Ha, no way? I've grown up with Timmy, we're really good friends...

Next thing I know, my new friend has whisked me up on an elevator to the top of Husky Stadium and I'm gazing at the most gorgeous vantage point I've ever seen. Gawking at it, actually.

Cue 45 minutes later, I'm still adventuring because everything was far too glorious to stop.

Back on campus (which is essentially Hogwarts), I just couldn't get over God's trees. They've held some magnetic spell over me since I arrived; I guess I've just never seen His creation so HUGE before.

And then the Lord used his trees to speak to me.

My run slowed and, jaw dropped, I walked towards these three. Entranced, pulled, whatever--It felt like walking into a giant's kingdom. Like I was a tiny, tiny little girl and these five story monsters scaled up so high... I mean, look at that. Imagine how big a human is: I could barely reach the lowest branches. Pit in my stomach growing, I walked right under and looked up... up... up.

I can imagine God was chuckling at this point. Ha, I may or may not have teared up. I've never felt like that. It was just so breathtaking. "Yes, my child. This kind of stuff has been around for a while. I just haven't showed it to you yet! But I'm orchestrating this. Dontcha think I've got you in my hand, baby girl?"

I couldn't move a muscle. I was frozen.

Because way more quietly--way more hushed--He was saying this:

Don't you see why I'm jealous for my magnificent glory?

Do. You. Get. That. Now?

More Seattle stuff to come. Much more. Because I left half of my heart up there.

p.s. Blog title: "The Only Exception" by Paramore. It has nothing to do with absolutely anything except it's been stuck in my head since the cast of Glee covered it.

This is TMI, but I warned you.

Photo courtesy of Bippity Boppity Boo.

Every chapter visit I go on during my national tour of Alpha Delts, I get a set of traditional questions near the final days. Always. They rarely change:

 How are we different from Alabama and the South?

Soo.. (insert sneaky little smile) Do you have a boyfriend?

or better yet,

So, like, are you married? Or just engaged?

(No lie. At least 4 chapters. Really, girls? REALLY?? This would be a sapphire. Not a diamond. Sheesh.)

Don't leave us! Can't you move here and be an advisor?

and my personal fave excluding the marriage one: 

When do we get to be on your blog?

Yesss. It seems they all Google me before I arrive to make sure I'm not creeptastic.

And then, when we've all sung Kumbaya "I Love the Pin" and they're ultra-comfortable with me, they then bring up how they read it every day. Sweet.

So: this is for all my Alpha Dee's out there who asked to be mentioned on the blog. Enjoy your fame, my mother and father read this on the reg so you'll be a big hit at the Stallings manor.

1. Penn State: Amazing chapter, amazing university, amazing football tradition. I fell hook-line-sinker for the nittany lions. We did a little recruitment action, got a fantastic class of Alphas, and Ashlyn gained enough weight to potentially be noticeable. (Note: Everyone should go on an eating vacation to State College, PA. It shall be an epic experience for you.)

KATE and LAUREN took me to my very first Penn State game, which is the first football game I've worn a t-shirt too since, well, probably ever.

This is Paterno-ville.

I loved every moment! Then we get close to a TD, and Kate's little red-head whirls around to the strapping male students around us. "Hey boys! She's from Alabama and this is her first Penn State game. You know what to do!" The next thing I know, some guy named Wagner carries it across the line and I'm hoisted up in the air. As in, à la crowd-surf style. And tossed, 22 times straight up into the air while the section counts with me. It was bizarre. And fun. Ah, tradition.

Then they fed me again, this time with PSU Creamery toxins. You see, Ben & Jerry went to Penn State, where they scored C's in ice cream class (it's legit here). C's? From those guys!? Puh-LEESE introduce me to Mr. A+... This ice cream is so amazingly horrid for you that it's illegal to sell outside of Penn State. So naturally, I loved it.

A me-sandwich, with wonderful sisters Maria and Jessica.

These would be the ring-leaders of the "can we be on your blog" campaign. We took this photo for the sole purpose of what you're seeing now. NICHOLE, GAIL, AMANDA, LAUREN, me, TARA, BETH, and MARIA.

2. Then I jet-airlined back to the Southerlands--Birmingham! Where maybe I teared up when Courtney rolled around the corner to pick me up from the airport. To which looked through her windshield at me and said in her cell phone, "That's real cute, Ash. But you're going to need to lock it up and come towards my car with your luggage if we're going to leave this airport pick-up line." Such a sweetheart.

The whole fam damily, a.k.a. the 3 people I love more than anything in the world.

Then my cousin Carrie got hitched to the fabulous Georgia-boy Zach. Any couple who chooses Dave Matthews Band's "You & Me" for their first dance is immediately awarded baller couple status.



3. Bucknell University: Then it was back to Bucknell to get the ladies of Theta Iota hoppin' on the Initiation train with help of fellow LC Megan. Fall in New England is too gorgeous not to photograph so we took it upon ourselves to be models in this wonderland.

Celebs are people too, right Meg?

Lewisburg, PA

I just want to play outside and wear workout clothes forever. Too much to ask?

4. ATL. Then it was back to the office for fall training sesh. As our heads were full of knowledge and we needed some breaks, we ventured to Five Paces, Virginia Highlands, Athens, Annie's apartment, and Piedmont Park for an Eagles concert.

My lifelines/LC sisters: Emily, MK, me, Lori

Day trip to Athens with Em.

Seeing this song live? I've only been waiting since age 7. I vividly remember trying to learn the lyrics by putting my head to the Explorer speaker on the way home from the Wynlakes Country Club pool. It worked, I know every word.

And after a quick fro yo sesh with Kenzie, it was back to jet airliners and universities...

5. University of Nebraska: Trip #2 the rolling home-home-on-the-range of Nebraska, I reunited with fantastic Alpha Epsilon chapter to hit the chapter operations grind. We took fun breaks, if you consider Paranormal Activity 2 "fun." I endured the horror flick (more like, endured staring at the inside of my Braves hat that I pulled further down on my forehead every 15 minutes. It took two giant swigs of Nyquil to put me out that night. I promise I had symptoms... Stupid ghosts.) and adored being back with these sweet girls--I've fallen for ya, AE.

Question: Can you go wrong at a restaurant named "Spaghetti Works?"

Answer: No, it's impossible.

Brewski's: HEIDI, KELLI, me, SARI, SYDNEY, and birthday girl SYRA

Nights out with them are the best--plus, during my I'll-cheer-for-Tennessee-but-only-because-they're-playing-Alabama moment, I received the best compliment of my life: "You're just like Mrs. Tuohy from 'The Blind Side!' Bless your sweet heart, AUDREY. I knew I liked you babe :) Same goes for ALYSSA, LEAH, RACHEL, and SABRINA.

6. Now I've just landed in Seattle at the University of Washington. Gimme some time to spread my little wings and I'll let you know what it's like. So far? Pure love.

But no matter how exhausted I get, how difficult it is to Skype with the besties, talk to my parents, and be miles away from any semblance of home,  I am realizing I can't wish this year away.

I will not deny myself this adventure.

YOLO: You Only Live Once.

Lessons from Sky Church.

I didn't take this; I wish I'd snapped yesterday's view.

Again, it was Sunday-on-the-job, and again, I was no where near a traditional church. Instead, I was dizzily zooming between three time zones and mouthing the "to fasten, insert the metal tip into the buckle and pull the strap until it's low and tight" speech (2-3 planes per week? Chyeah. Got it, Delta.) alongside Suzy Flight Attendant.

But then I looked out my window. Good grief. I couldn't find a better temple in which to praise our God:  plane after plane of brilliant white cloud spun in the most dazzling pristine silkish stuff threw light right back at the face of the One who sent the sunlight down in the first place.

I couldn't even look at it without my little green eyes watering. But then again I have self-diagnosed Photic Sneeze Reflex with 18% of the population and sneeze every single time I look at the sun... I digress.

This view was cool, too: Bucknell University last week. Yes, I sneezed.

ANYWAY, God used this moment to teach me yesterday. Below is the coolest passage ever from Sex God by Rob Bell. Stick it out, please read it:

"So if you were God--which I realize is an odd way to begin a sentence--but if you were God, the all-powerful creator of the universe, and you wanted to move toward people, you wanted to express your love for the world in a new way, how would you do it?

"If you showed up in your power and control and might, you would scare people off. This is what happens at the giving of the Ten Commandments. The first two commandments are in first person: "You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an image...for I, the LORD..." But starting with the third commandment, someone else is talking: "You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD..." The rabbis believed that this is because God was speaking directly to the people in the first two commands, but they couldn't handle it. As it says in the text, "They with fear. They stayed at a distance and said to Moses, 'Speak to us yourself and we'll listen. But do not have God speak to us or we will die." So, the rabbis reasonsed, the switch in person is because Moses gave them the remaining eight commandments.

Just God speaking is too much to bear.

If you're God and you want to express ultimate love to your creation, if you want to move toward them in a definitive way, you have a problem, because just showing up overwhelms people. (Cue: I heard one of those David Platt "HA!'s" in my head.)

You wouldn't come as you are.

You wouldn't come in strength.

"You wouldn't come in your pure, raw essence. You'd scare everybody away...

The last thing people would perceive is love.

"So how would you express love in an ultimate way? How do you connect with people in a manner that wouldn't scare them off but would compel them to want to come closer, draw nearer?

"You'd need to strip yourself of all the trappings that come with ultimate power and authority. That's how love works. It doesn't matter if a man has a million dollars and wants to woo a woman, if she loves him for his money, it's never really love...

"So if you were an Almighty Being who'd made the universe and everything in it, you'd need to meet people on their level, in their world, on their soil...like them.

This is the story of the Bible.

This is the story of Jesus."

- Rob Bell

And then I started tearing up right there on an Alaskan Airlines Boeing aircraft somewhere above Montana where the rain drops on the window turn to baby snowflakes. Because God used another "churchless" Sunday to have His way His gospel and with me. Because I love this image of a gentle, loving giant of a Creator that is just so awesome, so indescribable, so worthy, that you and I can't even handle Him. Do you see that??? We can't even handle the true dosage of God. So had this fantastic idea to make a Gospel story.

And so he breaks. it. down...

He gives us our portion everyday.

And even that is enough to rattle our world at 35,000 feet altitude.

And that was the peak of my weekend.

There's a place I'd like to go where I can hear the cotton grow.

My sis took this the other day. It's our farm. Which is basically perfect. I've come a long way from age 4, standing on the pond banks, bopping bucketed brim on the head with a stick when they came up for air. I always will be a confused vegetarian...

I love my job. I do, I promise-cross-my-heart. Every day something happens and I look up at God and grin because life's so cool. And adventures are my favorite: plop me down in the middle of uncharted waters/random cities/towns where I know NO one and I get a natural high off of figuring things out.

But sometimes I wanna get flour all over me and between the granite tiles in the kitchen. Pull something outta the oven. Stir sugar in a pot of steeping hot tea over the stove. Split a Diet Coke with Mama while we dance-party around the kitchen. Make a sandwich and prance out barefoot to the backyard for herbs to dress it up. Iron with ESPN football on in the background (I don't think I've ironed anything since like, July.). Paint and/or sketch. Sack out on the upstairs couch for 2.5 hours. Sit in a deerstand with Daddy and whisper about life. Run in my sister's room and pounce on her bed and run my mouth. PLAY. WITH. MY. BIRD. DOGS.

Here's what I want to do: Be domestic for one day.

Photo courtesy of Garden & Gun. I think I'm just ready to get a dog. Six months, six months, six months...

(This notion launched by this Garden & Gun album. Look at it. It's all huntin' dogs . i.e. the kind of dog I have and will always own for the rest of my life. Nope, see ya Yorkies/Bichons/etc. Gimme a dog that likes to go chase down dead animals and I'm sold. Thanksgiving break--hurry hurry!)

p.s. I also just picked out a new dog name for my future love: Gauge. Loves it.

You can move me if you want to.

Yay for music! Trivia fact about me: Walk the Line is my favorite movie. Mama--Christmas List that DVD please.

If you know me at all, you know my unbridled love for a beat. So here is what's spinnin' on the iPod lately. Hurrah!

1. Mountain and the Sea :: Ingrid Michaelson {So. Rachel the College Roommate and I determined the morning's playlist based off who got outta bed and outta the shower fastest. When Rach won, Ingrid blared among other artists. Her music taste is impeccable. I owe ya, Rach. I refound this song yesterday and it still kills me.}
2. Baby :: Neon Trees {Yes, as in Beiber's track. And they rock it.}
3. Lost in the World :: Kanye and Bon Iver {'Cause anything Bon Iver touches turns to gold.}
4. Come Around Sundown :: Kings of Leon {October 19 cannot come quick enough...}
5. White Winter Hymnal :: Fleet Foxes {Fun fact: I can't listen to FF unless it's cold. Weird quirk.}
6. Little Lion Man :: Mumford and Sons
7. Use Somebody :: Tyrone Wells
8. When She Comes Around :: Ben Rector
9. The Lime Tree :: Trevor Hall
10. Why Do I :: Joe Purdy
11. All I Have :: Mat Kearney
12. Stereo Love :: Edward Maya and Vika Jigulina {Guilty as charged. Sounds like Yiddish to me, but the first 30 seconds are addictive. Am I right or am I right?}
13. Uncharted :: Sara Bareilles
14. Gonna Get Over You :: Sara Bareilles
15. Need You :: Travie McCoy
16. Georgia :: The District
17. Just the Way You Are :: Bruno Mars
18. Poison and Wine :: The Civil Wars {One of 3 songs I don't EVER get sick of. The first two songs are called Anything John Mayer and Anything Tom Petty, in that order.}
19. Poison and Wine :: Angela Lupinacci {You wanna turn my favorite song into a worship song? Super. You get my vote.}
20. Teenage Dream :: Boyce Avenue
21. Caught Up In You :: 38 Special {Yes. Kristen, remember when Daddy first replaced his 38 Speical album with a cool CD so we could listen to it on the way to school? We pregamed education with education. We owe you so much, Rushger. I can dominate anyone in "Name That Singer."}

Honorable Mentions.

Because really, I just want the rest of their albums to come out.

One In a Million :: Ne Yo

Speak Now :: Taylor Swift {SLOOOOOAAANNNNN!!! I don't think I can buy a T Swizz album and not ride around Birmingham with the windows down singing with you. Luh you.}

Told y'all I like a good cover.

This is how it's supposed to be.

Gene + Jill // Two Pease in a Pod from capture studios on Vimeo.

Courtesy of my sister Kristen, who passed this along to me...

p.s. Ben Rector rules.

Get it, Scott.

Hello, jeans-weather! At least up here in PA.

“I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity, and her flaming self respect. And it's these things I'd believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn't all she should be. I love her and it is the beginning of everything.”

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

I'm assuming Scott was talkin' about his love Zelda.

Who has been my idol since grade 10.

She had me on the whole ballerina-writer-artist-Montgomery-girl-spitfire thing.

And he met her at the good 'ole Montgomery Country Club.

And I may or may not drive by their circa 1930 house on Felder Avenue every time I go home just to visit.

And I maybe own 9 hardback biographies about the famed couple.

#obsessmuch?

And grace will lead me home.

Photo courtesy of the Times and Democrat.

It's been almost a week, and my mind keeps flashing back to a set of dark eyes.

In Atlanta's Hartsfield-Jackson Airport Tuesday, I sat heeled legs crossed and bleary eyed waiting on the latte to kick in and thumbing through emails--standard Ashlyn-mode. Then a wheel chair pulls up next to me. I shot a glance up and then quickly back down to my Blackberry, wondering what in the world an attractive, seemingly healthy, young black guy would be in a wheel chair for...

Then it hit me like a pound of bricks.

I eyed his feet first. Big, nice Nike-shoed feet schackled in cuffs and linked to the sides of his metal wheeled chair. Rising up, I saw his strong wrists were similarly hand-cuffed and enslaved to the arm bars. Three broad-shouldered men in suits hovered over him in that tough-guy stance, you know the one with feet apart and hands clasped. He couldn't have been 20.

Whoa.

(So I promise I'd gotten to this point without any involved parties noticing my investigative skills. Curiosity may be the death of me, but I'm sneaky. Psshh--I'm a trained dancer and journalist: becoming concious of my surroundings is innate at this point.)

So there I sat. Next to a guy that had a blinking light over his head that said "Everyone, please stare at me. I did something so awful, your government doesn't even trust me to walk." I just had to look at him. Had to. So I glanced over and one moment later, the saddest, biggest pair of brown eyes looked into my own. My. Heart. Shattered.

There's no way I can ever put into words what his brown eyes said during the span we held each others eyes. I don't even know how long it was, or if I was breathing. I've just never seen hurt like that. His eyes bore into me: he was scared, alone, marred, shunned, stripped of dignity, and labeled a murderous monster by any travelers who dared to look at the spectacle. It was as if he was silently pleading my forgiveness. Anyone's forgiveness.

It's been 5 days and my mind won't let go.

Because we're all like that. We've all screwed up and somehow in our infantile, earthly minds his sin is "worse" than our sin. How DARE we call ourselves better than this man. How DARE we raise eyebrows and smugly go about life. I know I have an issue hating sin, it's something God is teaching me lately. I'm just more easily fascinated with Love and Grace and am an eternal optimist. I see and expect good in everyone. Trust me, it's an issue. I get hurt a lot this way. But I'm working on it.

But I saw myself in that man's--murder or whatever he was--eyes, like it was a mirror or something. We couldn't have looked more phsyically different. But at some point our differences stopped and we were one in the same. I'm just as filthy, shackled, and damaged. Maybe not in society's view, but in light of the Gospel, I am just like him. No better. Enslaved to that life, actually.

But then a Greater Love rescues me from those restraining chains.

And somehow, weirdly, becoming a servant to that Love morphs into freedom.

Which still bewilders me. I don't get it, God. At all. But I'm so, SO thankful.

"I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned /

in awe of the One who gave it all."

- Hillsong United

Welp, looks like I'm still optimistically fascinated with the word "grace" after all. Now if only I could adopt a bit more of a realist streak...or even just look at the road when I drive and not the clouds and trees. Oh well.

Football in the South. TFM.

I am so not the plan-my-future-wedding-all-I-need-is-a-groom type. But the groomsmen will take one of those cute touch football pictures. For sure.

Because I'm spending another freezing cold day up in Lewisburg while my friends/family picture text me tailgating/game images from the plains (cool guys, cool.), here's something I was emailed the other day. And as a Southerner immersed in this New England culture, I couldn't express to you how true this is.

Happy gameday, y'all!

Northern vs. Southern Football

Women's Accessories

NORTH: Chap Stick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.

SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, water proof mascara,and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's why we have boyfriends.

Stadium Size:
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

Fathers:

NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.

SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

Mothers:

NORTH: Don't care if their daughters know what a football is.

SOUTH: Expect their daughters to buy a new outfit for Homecoming each year and marry a football player.

Campus Decor:

NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.

SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen:

NORTH: Also a physics major.

SOUTH: Also Miss America.

Heroes:

NORTH: Rudy Guliani

SOUTH: Paul "Bear" Bryant

Getting Tickets:

NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.

SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus, put name on waiting list for tickets, then still have to camp out.

Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:

NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.

SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hungover students that might actually make it to class.

Parking:

NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.

SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Week of Big Game:

NORTH: Don't even know who they are playing on Saturday.

SOUTH: Make sure clothes are color coordinated, make signs to support the home team, get shakers ready, pray for a victory, and bow down to football players when students see them.

Game Day:

NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV. Wonder why Game Day Live is never broadcast from their campus.

SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera, cheer tirelessly, and wave banners.

Tailgating:

NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.

SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Hootie and the Blowfish," who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon. Televisions set up with satellite dishes so that we don’t miss any football games shown before and after ours.

Getting to the Stadium:

NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.

SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.

Concessions:

NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup filled to the top with soda.

SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with Coke, to ensure enough room for bourbon.

When National Anthem is Played:

NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.

SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.

The Smell in the Air After the First Score:

NORTH: Nothing changes.

SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.

Commentary {Male Fan}:

NORTH: "Nice play."

SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch -tackle him and break his legs."

Commentary {Female Fan}:

NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."

SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."

Announcers:

NORTH: Neutral and paid.

SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.

After the Game:

NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.

SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker. While somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, planning begins for next week's game.