A letter from Becca.

I think our very first picture was snapped on Bridge Pointe Drive. She was in a crisp, mama-sewn pilgrim outfit and I had war paint and a king-sized, fringed pillowcase died brown and my head through a big hole in the top. We were both barefoot in the yard and geared up for Thanksgiving Party day for the Trinity Presbyterian first grade.

Since then? Shoot. We've lost count of memories. And photos.

The following post is form one of my best friends of 17 years, Becca. She's one of my wisest sisters and she carries me. Obviously I was stoked when she approached me with this. Take it away, Bex:

Hi ladies,

I am a dear friend of Miss Magnolia here. A few weeks ago I approached her about writing a guest post about some things that were happening in my life. She was so gracious to allow me the opportunity to speak to y’all, and I pray that what I have to say strikes a cord in someone’s heart.

See, here’s the deal: I got dumped. 

There, I said it. 

Cold, hard, and fast. 

It hurt, it is still hurting almost a month later.

You’re probably thinking, “Oh great, another break-up blog post about how Jesus, wine, and the right amount of Kelly Clarkson can get you through." But that’s not what I have to say. I wish I was just giving out an easy cure to heartbreak, but darlin', there’s no such thing. This isn’t the first time, and it may not be the last.

So let’s get down to it.

I’ve been dumped. I hang up the phone with my best friend, put my head on the steering wheel, and cry. Cry doesn’t do it justice--I sob, really. The big heavy tears that seem to come, not from your tear ducts but from way down in your gut. And they burn the whole way up to the top. So I cry for a while, and I say a few choice words because I believe in my soul that sometimes that is the only thing that makes you feel better. And then I pick up my lead-heavy body and drag it to my bed where I pull out my journal. I open it up to the newest page, dot it with a few tear drops, and this is the first thing that comes out of my heart and on to the page:

"Why am I always ALMOST good enough?"

You see, like I’ve said, I’ve heard it before: a few versions of “I should love you for reasons A, B, and C, BUT….” I’m sure the boy thinks he is reassuring. But he always leaves me thinking, “If you SHOULD, then why don’t you?!” And it hurts. You feel like you almost made it, you almost had what they needed...

So I’m sitting on my bed reading, and re-reading, and processing that statement, yelling at the Lord in my head, beating myself up, and hurting. When all of a sudden in the quiet ache of my heart I hear this:

“Sweet child, I know.”

And I think, "No, You don’t. You can’t. I asked You, I prayed that You would not let me hear this again, that You would save me from this heartbreak. You can’t know how much it hurts to be almost good enough."

Again, “Sweet Child, I know”.

So I stop and listen. And in case I wasn’t already face-down enough, I get this sucker-punch to the heart:

“The reason I know is because you say that to Me every day.”

Wow.

Yikes.

Me? I do that? 

“Yes, you do that. To Me.”

We do that. To the Creator of the Universe. We tell him every day, "You are almost good enough to have my whole heart. You are almost good enough to capture my full obedience. I SHOULD love you because of A, B, and C, BUT..."

BUT the world is so enticing. 

But surely you can’t be asking me to give up THAT.

But I don’t want to move there.

Work there.

Break up with him.

Forgive her.

Have that conversation.

Etc., etc., forever.

So darlin', The Lord of the Heavens knows about heartbreak.

Because we’re the ones breaking His heart.

Be thankful that His grace covers us, that in His mercy he loves us still. That no matter how much His heart is broken by our waywardness, He still chooses to love us extravagantly...

“For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. 
Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, 
so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”

Hebrews 4:15-16