DISCLAIMER: Toldya the posts like this were gonna start rollin'. This goes out to everyone in my same-exact shoes who emailed/commented/Facebooked me to tell me they're, well, in my same-exact shoes.
Photo courtesy of Tumblr.
Last night, Mama, Daddy, and I were back-porch-sittin' last night in the warm night air while two bird dogs were catching lizards. Fantastic Stallings-evening entertainment, we know. Then they started asking questions about what I wanted to do "next year" (The parents. Not the dogs or lizards).
I put on my brave face. But really? In a word, I got scared.
A tad paralyzed.
With my own parents.
Because honestly? I do not know. There are no real leads. I'm not just saying that. I truly am not sure. If anything, my current job took this scattered, dream-big, never-say-never mind of mine and multiplied my journalism-major options. Greeeeaaat.
So I held it in. Until I was talking to a friend that I can never seem to "hold it in" with last night. And after being patient and letting me spout off like this friend always lets me do, he goes, "You know what, Ash? Psalms 56:3-4. 'When I am afraid I will trust in You, in God whose word I praise.'"
Fear = a trade-off opportunity for Trust.
Okay. So, easier said than done, but ok.
But God knows I'm the personality that wants a game plan. So when I pull Jesus Calling off my shelf at home this morning and let the pages fall to March 21, ha--first line: "Trust Me and don't be afraid, for I am your Strength and Song..." Cool, God. Cool. Love when He brings things full-circle. But you see, it goes further to say fear isn't just zero fun, it blocks the flow of God's strength. Of course it does...
It's like Noah (sorta). He built that ark. Why? Obedience to God. But remember: Boats weren't the "in" thing at that time. Especially barges like that. And rain? Yeah. Rain wasn't even invented. Until the flood, water came up to norish the earth through the ground. Now that's some fear (of rejection. Of failure. Of being called crazy.) traded for trust and faith. I want that brand of trust...
So I will relate to you in confident trust. Letting You know exactly how frusterated and nervous I am some days. Because You're my song. My reward awaits, and no good thing have You hidden from those who love you.
"I will quiet you with My love..."
Zeph. 3:17
Hush, child.
I'm a journalism major too! Good luck with the rest of your adventure and everything that comes after it! :)
ReplyDeleteI have no idea if you've ever read it, but...
ReplyDeleteFearless by Max Lucado. Give it a whirl.
You're doing great girl! Keep it up!
So reassuring! Great post. Also this picture looks very much like it could be you.
ReplyDeletegreat post!!! I love reading your blog and am totally jealous of you clc journeys. You are ALWAYS so inspiring, thanks for that!
ReplyDeleteAmazing, love it. Zeph 3:17 is my VERY favorite verse. Keep clinging to it, sweet Ashlyn. xoxo
ReplyDeleteRight after I moved to New York I felt this exact same way. I was living on savings, hoping every day for a job or something to happen that would show me the right path. My mom and grandmother kept telling me the same thing over and over, "Everything will work out, God will take care of you and exactly what is supposed to happen will happen." At the time, a low point in my faith for sure, I didn't believe them. But the past months have shown me how wrong I was. The most incredible things have happened, and most of them seemed to come out of nowhere. Everything has (and will!) work out exactly as it should!
ReplyDeleteI am literally going through the same thing. Graduation looming and am still unsure what path to take. I freaked out when I read this because I just started reading Jesus calling YESTERDAY! Started on the 21st and had the same reaction to that message. Here are some verses that are helping ease my mind right now:
ReplyDeletePhilippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
Pi love xx McKenzie
Hi Ashlyn,
ReplyDeleteI've been a follower of your blog most of this year, and absolutely love everything you post. I was (am) an ADPi from the Eta Nu chapter (Saint Louis University), so I share your love of everything pi and diamonds <> :) I can totally relate to your "omg what am I doing with my life" freak out. I'm still there, nearly 2 years post-grad. Have you heard the song "I'm Letting Go" by Francesca Battistelli?? I absolutely adore it, and think it would speak to you too.
Good luck! I'm excited to follow along as you discover the path God has paved for you.
Loyally,
Laura<>
ha, not one teenytineylittlebit surprised you're a Jesus Calling girl- me too.To say the least, we had the exact same March 21 and it was every bit as hushing for me as well.
ReplyDeleteit works out, ash. it always does. i promise. come see us next time you're in the 'ham.
ReplyDeleteYour guest post on bun&borough caught my attention (since I am fixing to graduate in May!) and I love your blog!! This post is soo encouraging. You are the first blogger I've read who likes John Piper! I will definitely be a regular now ;)
ReplyDeleteThis post makes me smile for you. Once God shows you pieces of your future it is going to be so exciting! I know for me I truly had to be still and let him show me - controling is one of my ugly traits and He likes to pull the rug out from under me to remind me who is in control.
ReplyDeleteOn another note, I am so excited that you will be visiting my Xi ladies!!